I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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