Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
