Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
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Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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