cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
