exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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