I think I am morally bankrupt
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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