If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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