I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
