whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
