nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
