my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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