I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
