Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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