Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
