Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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