The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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