Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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