Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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