I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
