I just cut my nipple shaving
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
