i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
