We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
