I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
