I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
