so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
