I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
