I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
