I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
