absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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