girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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