My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
