Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
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She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
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After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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