i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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