I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
