I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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