Having a random hookup so left but love u
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
