the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
