Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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