Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
