i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize