I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to calm my uterus...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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