so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
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How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
as a side note pls kill me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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