Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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