my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
