I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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