remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
