Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
