It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize