...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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