Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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