How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
