is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
