I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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