I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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