so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
