Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
