You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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