24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
