made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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