can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
