I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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