I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
