two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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