why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
