I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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