I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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