well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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