It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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