Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just tell him i said nine months
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
