Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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