wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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