I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
